Que sera, sera.
Long time, no vent. My sincerest apologies. Sadly, I don’t have any basic updates to bore you with. Still going to school, still sucking at it, still not having a job, still living at home (and hating it) with mom and dad. Just been weird lately, which for me is normal.
The basic theme of this post is my repetitive yet distructive choice in men, boys actually. I took another chance and have been burned yet again. So take my hand off the oven, right? Working on it. I am so desperate for someone to tell me I’m special I go to the ends of the earth and bend over backward making concessions for their behavior and ill-treatment of my feelings. So that part, I am finished with. Not only do you not deserve me making excuses for you, I don’t deserve to have to make them. I’m literally sick to my stomach when I look back on the lengths I’ve gone to for anyone other than myself. I have to be done. If not just for myself but for the few people I have left that I can turn to for advice and support. I am pushing people away one at a time for maybe a night or two of good sex. It’s lust, which can be fun when it’s not helping me destroy my own heart.
So here is my list of things I’m holding myself to and hope someone else will too.
1. I know what I have to offer someone who is man enough to appreciate me, and I am going to focus on enhancing and maintaining those qualities.
2. I am going to work on my health, not only to make the bad boys from my past swoon, but also so I will feel better. I have to be ok with myself first right?
3. My support system needs an upgrade. I need quality people around me and will not settle for less.
4. Soul-search starts now. I’m 22 and single, I can basically do anything I want so it’s time to find out what I actually want.
5. There is nothing I can do to change how people act, only how I react to them. This is my mantra.
I’ll probably be adding to this list as my adventures progress, so bear with me and keep your fingers crossed for me. 
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